all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
