maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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