omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
