some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
