Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
