At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
