shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
