This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
