I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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