you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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