Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
