I skipped work to stalk him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
