dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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