he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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