The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
