Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
