i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
