I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
