two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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