Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize