I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
