I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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