12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
