i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
