There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
