you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize