I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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