My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
