she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
