ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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