note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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