Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
