Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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