I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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