I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
