So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
