Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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