I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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