Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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