Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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