You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize