Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
