its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
