the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
