i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
