You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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