Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
