She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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