jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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