This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
