Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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