im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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