My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
