We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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