You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize