My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
