your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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