We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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