You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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