So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize