If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
