I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this will be a night to untag.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
