I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
