i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My vagina is very pro this idea
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