I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
