member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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