if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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