He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
