i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
