I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
