He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
