I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
