Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize