I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
