hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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