As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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