i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Alive.
So much puke
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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