i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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