alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
