she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
