What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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