You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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