After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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