Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
