Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
