i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
