you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
