Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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