Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
