i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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