I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
