Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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