True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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