i jhust puked up my retainher.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
