I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
