i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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