Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
