True but thats because hes a fetus.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
